Happy and lucky

Even in my last post I was complaining about my situation, feeling insecure about the future, abut my plans, about life in general. I guess my feelings were too negative in the last period because a stage in my life is going to change and changes never made me happy (yes, I don't like adventures, I don't like risks and I don't like changes... not that I don't accept them, I just don't like them. I can handle them, but I don't like them).

Still, talking to a dear friend today, I realized that everything that I ever wanted came true (and if it didn't than it means that I will still live until all my dreams will come true)... So why won't this happen now? And guess what, it's not that I am going to change my plans according to the events around me, but I am going to strive for what I wish the most: to do what I want, where I want. And even if this is not going to happen, I am still going to strive for it, and it's gonna happen one day, one way or another.

I realized that I am happy... Could be better, I won't deny it, but I am happy. So I am going to start showing this. And if anybody ever dares to question my decisions, I will take the time to explain them. Although I never made them public (why do that? just to show off? no thanks) my values and principles have always been the ones that guided me and I am feeling good because of that. And whenever I did something different, in the end I wasn't happy, I wasn't feeling more fulfilled, I wasn't feeling good at all. I can picture my life the way I want it to be, and there is no compromise that I am going to do. I don't believe in a lot of things the others believe in, but there are two things certainly I believe in: ME and MY DREAMS.

Thank you my dears (you know who you are) for everything: for questioning, for challenging, for believing. And thank you Nona for having trust in me and for helping me and more important, for standing me the way I am.

With love,
Moru

I make God laugh by telling him my plans

I am going through a very tough period in which I am thinking about the different choices that I will have to make or that I might have to make (it's not tough only because of this but uncertainty makes it tougher). I use my free time to imagine the future, to see exactly how I want it to be, although I am convinced it will not look as I see it now (the title of the post says why) I had one of the best conversations yesterday... with myself... and it answered a lot of questions and dilemmas... Still not all. but it was a good start.

I am almost at the end of my term in the MC (yes, 3 more months, but I can call it almost at the end) and I have to decide upon the next steps. And the first choice was made: no more @ involvement... but now what? A job? Traineeship? Both? None? :) (I guess the last one is not an option although being a normal student again (was I ever?) would be as challenging as getting used to live in Africa :) )

A lot of people think that I have the clear image of my future... Do I? What if something is not as I want it to be? How do things change? What would be the image then? Still the same? I guess not..

Would I be happy to stay here and work? Can I find the internship that I want? Would be the country important? Would be the company? Would be the JD? Would be my friends? Would be my family? Would be my comfort? Would be feelings? A lot of questions without an answer. And still, I might have to give up some of these... But which ones?

Something has to change...
Moru